Do you know that feeling when a knife is in your heart, twisting and turning? Do you know what it’s like to have a car run you over a million times? That’s how I’m feeling. Rage builds in me and, instead of screaming and yelling, I sit in front of Larry, numb and frozen.
“I can’t do this, Larry. I’m fucking human, you know? I have feelings!”
He brings me into his arms and tries to calm me down. “I know and that’s what I told him.”
I can’t give Nicholas what he needs, even though it’s what I truly want. I refuse to break up his marriage and be the one that he uses to escape from Jamie. If something is up and he’s doing this because she’s manipulating him, then that’s a different story and I’ll beg him to leave her. I don’t know the whole story and I’m not sure if I even will get the story. A little voice in my head keeps screaming at me to fight for the man I love. But I don’t know if that’s the right answer.
“I’m gonna go lie down. Thanks for the coffee,” I mutter.
Back in my room, in my safety area, I place the steaming cup of coffee on my nightstand and lie down, facing the balcony.
Tearing away from the sun rising, I force my mind back to sleep. It’s been the longest few nights without Nicholas. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I can’t forget him. Every time I close my eyes, I see his eyes, his smile; I see everything. My chest fills with ache. Sitting here crying over him while everyone else is living kills me. The fight in me is slowly going away. Unable to stand the silence I open my music app on my phone and play a song I haven’t heard in a few weeks – our song. It plays over and over again so I can remember our dance and how I felt when he was holding me. Everything feels heavy and miserable. I scream into my pillow and pray that I can be taken away. I don’t care if we weren’t together for a long time. When it comes to love, there’s no measurement in time. It’s how love makes you feel and it made me feel whole. I’d give anything to feel that way again.
Vision of Love & Vision of Destiny
Nate Tebow as Nicholas Hayes
Vision of Hope
Ryan Patrick as Jensen Toscano